It’s truth time.
Honestly? I don’t see someone I’m in love with when I look in the mirror.
I’m being serious.
Or I could lie and preach that I’m overflowing with self-love and full of the utmost zest for life.
Well, I’m full of life – that’s very true, but I don’t love or even greatly like what I see staring back at me.
And you know what? I’m okay with that.
Sometimes when we’re so raw and honest to others about ourselves, and it’s not said in a victim-style way – it scares the shit out of people.
And people know and feel when you’re being very honest and not saying anything to gain some reassurance or sympathy from them.
They know you’re speaking your truth and from the heart.
Because if I asked 10 people on the spiritual path what they thought of themselves when they look in the mirror – I’d guarantee 7 or 8 would tell me they see love.
They see no self, or they think they’re awesome.
I’d call bullshit on that and say they’re lying to themselves.
Why? Because a lot of us don’t like telling the truth to ourselves, and others.
Humans panic so much. We fear that if we speak our truth and tell people our hangups and what we genuinely feel to be true – that we’re going to get judged for it.
And maybe we will. But these people aren’t worth bothering with.
One thing that naturally happens on the spiritual path is that you learn to feel and speak your truth more than you ever have done before. There’s no choice really.
So, when I look in the mirror I don’t see someone I love. I don’t hate what I’m seeing back, but I don’t love him on a physical level.
But, here’s the thing. I love myself that I don’t love what I see staring back.
I love the part that doesn’t like what it sees back.
I’m not perfect, but that doesn’t mean I can’t love the part of me that struggles to accept I’m not blessed to be a model.
But nobody is perfect. At all.
So when I look in the mirror I sometimes – though not all the time – feel uncomfortable. But this doesn’t stop me.
That conditioned ego in me immediately diverts to any ‘flaws’ it thinks it has and focuses on those instead of anything I see attractive staring back at me.
I’ve learnt to love that conditioned voice in the head running its narrative.
One thing I can tell you is that the voice has gotten way quieter over the years the more I learn to love it.
When I look into my eyes there is a part of ‘me’ that recognises and appreciates something deeper than the physical appearance staring back.
But this can take time to feel this.
It’s weird. It’s like a combination of seeing and feeling something past the eyes. There’s something there that resonates with ‘me’ beyond anything else.
And that’s what feels right. That’s what feels pure and true.
I’m not sure I’ll ever truly accept myself on a physical level because I honestly feel the wounds created linked to this part of me are so deep, that they may never fully heal.
And I’m okay with that.
I’m not going to fight it and try winning, because it doesn’t heal. I’ve learnt this in other areas.
I’ve learnt to be okay with not being fully accepting of myself on a physical level.
Sure, in an ideal world I’d love nothing more than to look at myself in the mirror and be over the moon with what I saw staring back, but this isn’t an ideal world.
But above everything – I love who I am – as a complete person. And I can say that with truth.
I accept who I am, so I love who I am. Flaws and all.
You know when you’re lying to yourself, so if what I’m saying resonates with you, then be honest with yourself, compassionately.
Don’t be harsh on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up.
If you don’t like what you see staring back at you – this is absolutely fine.
But befriend that conditioned voice. Learn to care for it and love it.
Each time it runs its narrative, just stop and give it some inner warmth and tell it that you’re here for it and that you love it.
It can win the battle, that’s fine.
But I guarantee that the more you learn to love the fact you don’t really like what you’re seeing in the mirror – the more that feeling will reduce and you will start projecting your self-love outwardly in a different way.
You see, self-love doesn’t work in direct correlation like that.
It doesn’t necessarily mean if you love what you see physically, you’ll project this amazing vibe outwardly. It certainly can do, but it doesn’t always work this way.
You can learn to be okay with not loving what you see, and gradually over time, your aura will change and you’ll exude a vibe that people gravitate towards, which gives the belief you do.
But this is all done unconsciously, really.
It all gels together very nicely.
Nobody looks at you and thinks ‘This person loves their physical self’ – not at all.
But, it works as a whole.
And bizarrely enough, you start accepting yourself completely, and this radiates to others.
So there comes a point where you stare in the mirror and hear that same repetitive conditioned voice picking up on your flaws, but you’re okay with it. You start smiling at it.
Because it’s deeply conditioned.
You’re not entirely happy with what you see, and you don’t entirely love what you see, but you’re okay feeling this way.
You’ve accepted what was once the unacceptable.
Love that voice in the head. Love those flaws. Love that feeling of not loving yourself.
Sounds backwards, but give it a try.
Your vibe will change and you’ll actually be more accepting of yourself as you are, and not as you wish yourself to be.
And speaking of love – I send mine to all of you.