I’m disliked by some people.
In fact, a couple of people would use the word hate as opposed to dislike.
If you’re on the self-awareness path you’ll understand that they dislike or hate a portion of themselves, but instead project it towards you and others instead.
I think we all know of people similar. It’s part of life and it’s part of being human. It’s inevitable at some stage.
So even though that opening line was quite harsh and not normally a way to start a blog post – it was done intentionally.
Because, my point is – does it really matter that we might be hated or disliked?
And there’s nothing wrong with feeling that there is, by the way. It’s quite conditioned in us to dislike being disliked.
But when we live life this way, we’re really living many people’s lives, because we’re ultimately never ourselves. We’re too lost with being concerned that someone may not like us.
Part of the reason why we care too much about what others think of us is that we do not feel worthy of our own self, as a person. We do not feel confident enough in who we are, so we live off the back of validation from others.
This isn’t a healthy way to be.
It isn’t healthy because you live from a position of only feeling accepted if others accept you. And when they don’t – well, all hell breaks loose in your inner world. And this is usually put onto others in some shape or form.
When you reach a point of loving yourself enough, everything and everyone else seems insignificant to a degree – and I do not mean that in a derogatory way either.
I mean their opinion of you means nothing. Your own love towards yourself trumps what anyone thinks of you, but it can take time to reach this point. Years in fact.
Actually, it’s a work in progress, but you feel certain ‘shifts’ within every so often, and you become less and less attached to anyone’s opinion of you, and find you loving yourself more than you did a few months ago.
It works in synergy.
You aren’t everyone’s cup of tea.
I have come across many people who take it so personally when someone doesn’t really like them, for whatever reason. It doesn’t even have to be that they have offended them; it can just be quite simply a person doesn’t get on naturally well with them.
It’s not uncommon, and we have emotions so we’re bound to take some things personally at some stage or other.
But, it’s about stepping back and taking a moment to assess what is going on.
There is no right or wrong in this situation.
And it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us or we’re a bad person if someone doesn’t take to us.
Our worth shouldn’t be – and isn’t – based on what others think of us.
To flip it around; there’s always a person or two that we do not take to from our perspective, so the same applies for another person and their perception of us.
This is all perfectly fine, and normal.
So if you receive some feedback that someone doesn’t think you’re their cup of tea: let it go.
It isn’t your problem, and more than that – it’s fine!
You’re not a ‘failure’ or ‘not good enough’ just because someone may not really like you. As I said above; if you don’t really like someone, does it make them a failure or not good enough?
No, not at all. It’s just an opinion, like a person has an opinion about you.
Opinions are allowed and emotions need to be removed from someone’s opinion of us.
And if your parents ever told you that it’s important to be liked when you were a child – well, they’re wrong I’m afraid.
Hold yourself well and have good manners and be approachable and a generally good person, yes. Try your best to be liked? No.
It’s a slippery slope and you’re setting yourself up for failure having this thought process.
What is it that specifically bothers you?
It might be worth stopping and asking yourself this question.
Delve deep into your psyche and really try to find the core reason why it bothers you what other people think of you.
Was it instilled by your parents that you must be an incredibly liked person? This isn’t uncommon, by the way.
Maybe it was trying to fit in as a child when you were in school. Always feels good to be the cool kid, right?
It might even stem from social media and how many ‘likes’ you get on your posts. And no, I’m not joking about this.
So find out what it is that bothers you. Be true to yourself, even if you think it sounds pathetic admitting it. It’s not pathetic, it’s making progress.
Then when you find the answer, perhaps ask yourself: So when I don’t get the feeling of validation and acceptance from others – how does it make me feel?
You’ll quickly realise it’s a pretty horrible and empty feeling.
See the pattern? You feel ‘good’ when you’re accepted, and feel ‘bad’ when you’re not.
Where’s the consistency?
You’re up and down like a yo-yo. Emotions everywhere.
The key here is to drop all expectations, and accept whatever. This can be difficult to reach, especially if you’ve lived this way for decades.
But, it’s attainable.
Work on accepting who you are.
Sounds a little preachy, but that statement has some weight behind it.
The only way to not worry about what others think of you is to learn to accept who you are. There really is no other way.
When you practice acceptance – in all measures – you are free from a lot of suffering, which includes what others think of you.
There’s very little expectations, reactions, and attachments to any outcomes. You feel free and at peace.
So, do things that make you feel good about yourself. And when you do them, make sure you give yourself some recognition for doing them.
Also, continually give yourself a pat on the back when you do something that is otherwise out of your comfort zone. Make this a habit. Even the smallest of things – pat yourself on the back.
The reason I’m saying all this is because the more you do this, the less you care about others opinions of you because you love and accept yourself wholly.
Now, I’ll be frank here. If, for example, you’re someone who really does suffer with what other people think of you – then this practice of self-acceptance isn’t going to happen overnight.
This is going to take time, but stick with it.
You’re going to slip back into old ways and patterns – and you’re going to slip a lot – but this is fine, and expected, so be gentle on yourself and forgive yourself immediately, then move on.
When you forgive yourself, you’re practicing self-love.
And remember – what they think of you is absolutely none of your business. Let them be them, and you be you.
All the best,