I would hedge a bet that the majority of the world’s population has some form of emotional pain within them.
I don’t know this as fact, but I’m quietly confident of this assumption.
Why? Because we are all human beings, and human beings deal with emotions daily.
And as part of what comes with being human, is experiencing painful and traumatic life circumstances.
Unfortunately, we aren’t always fully aware how to handle and release this sadness, so it stores as pain, which creates wounds within us.
We then carry these wounds for decades in some cases, and they can be left untreated.
Our personality is then a byproduct of the wounds we carry.
We have the ability to be aware of some of the pain we feel inside us, but we do a good job of running away from it in most cases.
As conditioned humans, we don’t like pain. There is no other way to say it.
We may feel the pain, but we’d rather have thoughts connected to it as opposed to facing it.
So with this, we start to get lost in thoughts about our suffering. We go around and around in circles complaining about what has happened to us, and how bad our life is.
We play the victim and find comfort in what we feel, rather than face it.
This is a habit we develop and live with.
Learnt as a child, and carried with us throughout teenage and adulthood years, we often become completely intimidated and overwhelmed by the feeling of strong emotions.
When an emotion is so strong, we struggle to cope with it. We aren’t sure how to handle it and what to do.
The human way of being unsure about something when it’s linked to emotions is to form a distraction – or coping mechanism.
We do this in the hope it will suppress our pain – and it works to some degree.
If an emotion is incredibly powerful, we have a belief that it is the end for us. We believe that if we allow ourselves to remotely feel any of this pain, then we’d be very, very unwell.
So, during childhood and teenage years, we develop a skill at suppressing what we’re feeling.
Unfortunately for us, this means the emotions we’re refusing to face gets stored in the subconscious; and what is stored in our subconscious comes out in how we act in everyday life (conscious).
Humans act on survival. That’s just how we’re made. It’s in our DNA. When the heat gets turned up, we enter survival mode, but this normally means we turn in the opposite direction of our pain.
We deny it’s there. Or, if we don’t deny it’s there, we run away from it as fast as we can. This then acts as another coping mechanism.
The disturbing thing about all of this is that the more frequent we run in the opposite direction of pain – the more we become emotionally detached from ourselves.
We end up becoming numb to emotions. We become shut down and cut off from anything and everything we feel.
The sense that something is ‘off’ still remains, but it feels confusing to us and we struggle to figure out what it is.
This is all part of ‘protection mode’ we fall foul to. We want security, and we feel the only way to get that is to shut ourselves off from feeling our emotions.
So we freeze our emotions.
We also must not forget that we attach a note of unworthiness a lot of the time to what we feel.
When we feel emotions, we beat ourselves up and declare that we shouldn’t be experiencing them, when we should be welcoming them to us.
But for most of the time, we just can’t describe what we’re feeling. But we know it feels off. It can range from out of control intense emotions, to a basic feeling of discomfort.
When we experience either basic discomfort or really intense emotions, we need to allow them. We need to feel what is going on inside us.
We have to learn to give permission to whatever it is we’re feeling. And this in the hardest part because we’re so conditioned to block it out.
The body reverts to type and closes itself off.
So, practice being with whatever it is you are experiencing emotionally, whether small or intense.
This is the first step.
You don’t necessarily have to be still and quiet (although this definitely helps). You could be in the store getting groceries. Feel it.
Practice this daily. Be non-judgmental to whatever it is you’re feeling.
Give yourself and your body permission to feel everything.
None of us deserve this pain, so try and understand that. No matter how ‘wrong’ you think you have been – nobody deserves pain like this.
Not healing pain anyway.
When you enter a healing journey, you begin to realize that any belief you have that you have done something wrong for experiencing these emotions is untrue.
You are not your thoughts, concepts or beliefs.
Sadly, the human way is that we’re conditioned to punish ourselves, or make others wrong.
Article #4 will follow.