”Solitude has its own very strange beauty to it”
You enter a spiritual awakening and experience euphoric, positive, blissful and loving feelings. You’re aware there has been a shift in the perception about yourself and the world around you.
You have never felt this way before, but it feels incredible.
There’s a spring in your step; you feel light, and any problems that are in your life happily linger, now seemingly less of an importance as they once were. You are dealing with them confidently and assuredly.
Your family, friends and work colleagues sense something is different with you. They subconsciously know there has been a shift, but struggle to consciously pinpoint exactly what is going on. Some ask you what has changed, so you decide to share your news, much to their bewilderment.
You’re socialising as usual, but it now feels incredible and you attract positive things in your life. You can’t get enough of expressing your vibe around people and love interacting with others, and for that reason you’re out the house more than you’re in it.
Then suddenly, one morning you wake up and feel different.
Something has changed.
Your friends and family are calling you, but you stare at the screen of your phone just looking at their name light up until you’re left with a missed call. Or, you catch yourself gazing at the text message you received asking if you’d like to meet up with a friend to socialise and have fun, but you haven’t responded yet because this inner feeling you’re experiencing is leaving you confused.
Your friends want to go partying with that social butterfly they know you as. The one you were only a week ago.
You contemplate going out with them, but immediately it leaves you feeling drained, and the only thing your inner body is telling you is to ‘Be alone’.
You feel confused and slightly disheartened at this new, surreal feeling you’re experiencing so try having a stern talk with yourself to try dusting off the cobwebs and get you back to that blissful, positive state you were in just last week.
Regardless of what you want to feel, that inner voice repeatedly asks you to be alone. Hours pass, you’ve tried fighting that voice and you’ve tried convincing yourself that putting pressure on yourself to socialise is a good thing, and that once you’re there you’ll be fine.
Yet the pull to be alone is so powerful, that you finally decide to surrender to it and no longer ignore or fight the feeling.
What I’m describing here is not to be confused with a form of depression. This is a different feeling, and one that is hard to describe. You may feel different and confused, but you don’t feel depressed.
You know that something is happening inside you, but you’re not quite sure what, other than a desire – a longing – to be in solitude, but a healthy solitude.
Your soul is pulling the strings now
This feeling of desperation to be in solitude can be somewhat new to many people. It was to me the first time I experienced it.
At the time I enjoyed socialising a lot (I still do, but not as much as I did back then). I enjoyed being in company laughing and talking, but I realised I would often seek being around others to distract myself from being alone, and that any thoughts and emotions that I was suppressing may come to the surface needing to be dealt with.
This powerful longing to be alone is your soul communicating with you. It is demanding your full attention. It is now awake and your former self – the false identity you lived as – is taking second place.
Once your soul becomes awake, processing begins. Processing can be so demanding on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level. They are all working at once in synergy, which can prove too much for you to cope with around others, so solitude is necessary, and as the soul is the most powerful thing out of the body and mind, it pulls the strings.
The soul needs respecting, and it is the one who wants solitude and to be heard.
Solitude Vs Being Lonely
There is a difference between solitude and being lonely, though many don’t differentiate the two when they hear the words.
Solitude is being alone by choice. It is consciously choosing to purposefully spend time alone and enjoying it. Loneliness is the feeling of sadness when alone. You would much rather be around others than be alone as you feel empty.
During these solitude phases, you don’t feel lonely. You enjoy and crave being alone because you’re operating from your souls wishes. You use this time to go inwards and get to know yourself on a level you’ve never known before. It’s real, it’s raw and self-exploration begins.
You do things alone and you enjoy them. For many people going through this phase, it’s a journey inward, though. It’s where your soul wants to be heard and where you start looking into who you really are.
You crave solitude and you’re at peace with this.
During my first solitude phase I consciously locked myself away from the world. I told my family and friends I needed to be alone and that I am okay. Of course, they thought I was having a breakdown as they’d never experienced what I was, so it was hard for them to comprehend.
I remember spending weekends speaking to nobody, and it was bliss. I would take a walk along the beach and just sit still observing the waves crashing against the rocks feeling blown away by it. I was in awe of the magnificent natural beauty that was in front of my very eyes.
I would watch birds and trees, amazed how life is enabling them to be alive and do their thing, and that the very same thing that is allowing them to live, is the very same thing that is allowing me to live too.
I was getting to know my soul for the first time in my body, and it felt like home.
If you’re at this point, or have experienced this and didn’t feel depression with it, but more a longing for it; then know that this is your soul. Honor and respect it. It’s happening for a reason. Let it be.
You are evolving; growing; changing. You are becoming more independent and less identified with your ego. The soul loves independence.
The solitude phase will not last forever, but it may happen in stages, and this is natural so welcome it. It’s necessary. Your soul is talking to you through your body, and the feeling doesn’t lie and needs to be followed.
Do not be scared, and try not to fight it. It is all down to processing and evolving to a higher level of awareness. It needs to happen because your soul is sick and tired of you being distracted by your mind. You have given it an inch of a change, in that you may be slightly less identified with mind and ego, which means your soul is being called.
It’s normal to be less sociable during an awakening, though you may have periods where you love seeing people more than usual, usually further down the awakening line. But the less sociable times tend to happen at the beginning and middle stages I found. It settles down as time goes by.
It’s also normal that your family and friends might be worried for you, or even upset that you prefer being in solitude. But, you owe it to yourself to follow this inner pull.
Ultimately, this happens because your soul wants you to build a relationship with it and operate from who you really are.
Embrace it and allow your awareness to expand.
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